Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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