i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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