thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
