Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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