shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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