got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
