Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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