Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
