Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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