also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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