Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
