get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
