Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
