im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
