this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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