Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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