Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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