3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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