Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he shaved USA in his pubs
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
