It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
