planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just puked most of my soul out..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
