Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize