She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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