I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
