My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i need some magic done to my vagina
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
