This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
