sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
