Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
