I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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