i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
