1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
