Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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