ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
