i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
