I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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