i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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