OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Drunk is a universal language darling
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
