the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
