so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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