He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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