so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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