Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
