i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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