Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
