I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
