My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
