Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
only you would photoshop your dick
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
