Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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