Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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