Where did you get a picture of my penis
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
