He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
