He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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