All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
