the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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