I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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