Yo dont text me then not text me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
