The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
