I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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