i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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