come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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