see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
