my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
