so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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