Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
