YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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