brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
