Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
