did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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