One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize